A little more about me and my personality, because I think it has a deep relationship with the chronic gut disease I eventually developed. This is not the first disease or health problem I've had, but the first that stopped me in my tracks, turning me into a hermit, until my hospitalization in May.
Since I was married in 1975, I have been more than a bit of a perfectionist, with dreams and goals of having the perfect husband, family, and home. I've supported my husband's building his career the best I knew how and have tried to support the rest of my family and sons as best I knew how.
Before that, I was a child of the '60's (class of '68), a week end hippy who opposed the Viet Nam War, usually at peace type rallies. I was opinionated without the ability to follow through on the convictions, but I was devastated especially when Bobby Kennedy was killed. Even though at the time the end of the Viet Nam War wasn't the high I expected (remember the chaos getting out of there?), I look back now and think, WOW, what our generation accomplished!
As a week end hippy, I used drugs occasionally, but started out in college at the University of Missouri intending to major in journalism. I then freaked out and dropped out and through fate attended a Psychiatric Technician program that simultaneously offered college credits at SCSC (now CSU) at the Colorado State Hospital in Pueblo, Colorado. I managed to graduate with a Bachelors Degree in Psychology and was hired first as a Psych Tech in general mental dis-ease and later as a Mental Health Worker in a then innovative drug treatment program. It was then I stopped using any illegal drugs.
Throughout my life I have had some extraordinary experiences, both positive and traumatic, emotionally, physically, and now I know spiritually. It was then, when I met and married and my wonderful husband, that I abandoned the path of a "weirdo" to become a modern Leave it to Beaver wife, mother, sister, friend.
One of the habits that set me apart from June Cleaver was that while I didn't use illegal drugs, I was a dedicated chain smoker. I had my first cigarette at 19, to be cool, and show how intense I was, and I became as addicted as anyone can be. My first move in the morning was reaching for the pack. I frequently ate while puffing on a cigarette. It pains me to think that my butts are probably still lying all over the place.
In 2001, though, I made a formal decision to quit smoking. Actually I didn't give it a chance in hell, but I set a date, made plans, networked, and hooked up with an onlline forum called Quitnet. To my complete and total amazement my first time to quit actually worked! After 33 years of being a chain smoker, I quit! It felt to be the greatest high and accomplishment in my life. After awhile, Quitnet cleaned up the language, topics of chat, etc., by its users for corporate interests, I believe. BUT a rowdy group of rebels created and migrated to another site called Oz. It had to change servers, but is still in existence. Somehow I managed to follow these rebellious, loving, real people and continue what is for me a very very fine relationship, in person and online. As a group, we have experienced a lot, and it's amazing how we're able to come together even though someone (like me) can be gone for a couple of years. Ozzites, part of me dedicates this to you. Have no fear, soma.
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